Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
