If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
