she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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