i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
