cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
