my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
