Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
