OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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