I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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