Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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