it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just threw up on my dentist
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
