I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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