Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
