she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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