Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
