matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
