You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
