She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
