It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
