were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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