3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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