Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
