she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
