I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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