i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
