READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
