idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
