so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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