I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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