i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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