you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
