My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize