Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She announced her abortion via fbk
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But break dance skills will only take you so far
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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