When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
