How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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