As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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