I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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