He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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