I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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