I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
