So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
