I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
