yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
