did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
