I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize