Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
