I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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