where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
