I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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