I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
