i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The uberlube is also flammable
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
