if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
