Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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