His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
