Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
