my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
