you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
