You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
