Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
