Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
