Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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