Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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