Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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