I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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