I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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