so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
